My thighs are aching! I've been working out 5 days/week at the gym. I'm trying to lose this stubborn weight that I've had since having my daughter almost 2 years ago!!!(when I say stubborn, I'm referring to myself being in denial for 2 years) I had my schedule down: SET Mon/Weds/Fri, Kickbox Tues, and Zumba Thurs. But then I tried Cycle class the other day. OH...MY...SORENESS!!!! It was a great workout and be going back. I was able to work out the next day but today...ay ay ay...don't think my muscles can take it today.
that's just one area of hurt.
My stomach hurts. We are going through escrow right now and I can't believe how my nerves are getting to me.
The thought of buying a house is exciting and adventurous but it's also so SCARY!
We are taking on a huge project in this house. Not only the painting and new carpet needed to move in but the other cosmetic stuff in each room (baseboard, casing, window treatments). Plus the demo of the garage, and new living space we will create...all while living in the house with our 3 little ones. It sounds all good and fun but do you know how hard it is to get my dishes done sometimes?
I find myself getting annoyed with myself for grumbling about this. I should be positive and have a good attitude toward this. After all, we are in a position to buy a house...not everyone is.
My heart is also hurting. Hurting for friends, family, our nation, our world. Doesn't it just feel so out of control sometimes? And me, being the micro-manager I am...I want to fix it! I want to give my two cents but sometimes it's not even worth it. It's falling on deaf ears or like talking to a wall.
Maybe that's why I'm having this little vent session.
I don't really have a point to this, or and end to all this whining. I don't have a solution or advice. I just feel frustrated and pretty insignificant in the big scheme of things.
Then I remember...I am a CHILD OF GOD! My Jesus loves me. He loves me when I'm doing good, and life is full of joy and fun. He loves me when I'm down and life seems to be throwing obstacles right at my face. God has been so faithful to me and my family. I have experienced his mercies and still beg for them every day!
Even when I mess up and make a choice that wasn't the best I know He sees my intentions. I know He sees my heart.
Last night I was kind of feeling 'blah" when my 4 yr old son Job asked if he could watch a video. He picked out Veggie Tales "God loves me" DVD. It had several little silly stories and I wasn't really listening while doing dishes and cleaning up from dinner. We paused it to give baths, then after baths we pushed play. The last story was about the snoodles. These little people with wings that had been created. There was this tall tower in the sky shaped like a swirly slide at the park, nobody knew who had made it or how it was built. They would just plop down the slide every day as a new little being. They had a pack of paints on their backs to use, like little artists.
This certain snoodle was smaller then the others. He couldn't fly and everyone thought his paintings were silly. They would paint pictures of what they thought he looked like and put him in his pack. The pack was so weighed down that he could hardly walk. Finally, he decided to get away and be alone. He climbed to this tall mountain where only the birds lived. It was so quiet he only heard his thoughts, but then he heard a voice he didn't recognize. It was his creator. He told him how the other snoodles made fun of him and told him that he wasn't as good as they were. He showed him the pictures they had painted, and how they weighed so much.
Then finally the voice, who he now saw, said "this is how I see you" and he unveiled a canvas. It was of a big, strong snoodle with big wings and big paintbrush. He told him how he had created him, that he had given him his paints as a gift to paint how he saw the world. When the little snoodle showed his creator a painting of his, his creator was so happy that he put it on his fridge ;)
When the snoodle asked why the others were so mean his creator just explained that some people choose to use their paints for harm and not good. The snoodle asked why he couldn't just make them obey and be nice? He replied "a gift is not a gift if it's demanded". He told the snoodle that his wings were not just to fly, but to soar through the sky.
The snoodle turned, leaped off the cliff and began to fly through the clouds with such confidence. He had found what he was looking for on that mountain top. his questions and concerns were answered. He now knew he was a special snoodle, created for a purpose, created to use his gifts.
He immediately went back down to the snoodles, showed them how he could fly and then painted pictures for them.
At this point in the video I was crying like baby on my couch.
This little story, intended for my kids to re-assure them of Larry the cucumber and Bob the tomatoes favorite phrase" GOD MADE YOU SPECIAL, and he LOVES you very much" had actually spoke to me.
In those moments when I feel insignificant and little I will remember that little snoodle.
He left his world of snoodle, went away to search, and after spending time with his creator, was educated, refreshed, re-assured, and blessed. Nobody will fill the voids that I have. All the conversations in the world with my husband or closest friends will fill me the way Jesus will.
I need more of that mountain top time with my Jesus.
If you made it through that one....thank you!